Monday, May 27, 2013

Forever Neverending Doubts

I'm indecisive. I should take some time to sit and think. Make a choice.

It feels odd for me to call anything like it is. I write stories about people I make up. I'm not published so I can't call myself an author.
The same is true to some extent in my daily life. I have kids, so I call myself a mom, but I don't work, so I call myself unemployed. My husband tells everyone I stay at home with the kids by choice-which I do. He and I decided I would be at home when the kids were, so I'm not looking for work and we are blessed enough that I don't need to, either. Hubby also tells people how hard I work-I homeschool our youngest whose special needs class was cut due to school budget issues. I also do all the cooking and cleaning, laundry, and try to work in the time to write while trying to pack up our lives for the impending move taking place sometime in the near future.
I guess what I'm getting at is, there's much more to me than I think there is. (On that note I must thank my loving husband for building me up on a regular basis)
I swear this is leading somewhere!
My long, drawn-out point is: My characters have multifaceted lives. The hardest part of this is knowing what, or where rather, to take their story. Choosing one, specific plotline- of many, maybe too many- to follow.
In my first MS, Between Octobers, the protagonist, Grace, is a yearling widow and mother of two boys with a decade between their ages. She's also a Registered Nurse and fighting depression. As the, story moves on, she meets and falls in love with Evan. Once their lives merge, she struggles to maintain balance on the slippery slope that is blending a family and to maintain a sense of identity through the changes. Grace is also extremely shy and hopelessly naive.
Evan himself suffers the insecurities that often accompany excessive notoriety as well as inexperience in long term relationships. These characteristics create a plethora of possibility, a multi-directional quandary!
Here's the crux:I've let this story flow, create itself. I've followed this couple through their problems and ended up with two separate books. One told from each MCs point of view. I've decided to stick with Graces story. I feel her side would appeal more to women,so it should be told by one. So that problem is solved, but the next cannot be ignored.
Word count. I've hacked and edited and chopped it from 204k down to 148k. Still WAY too big. So indecisive me has more plot threads to cut.
I know of one I can cleanly dispose of without harming the major plot but I don't like doing it.


Then comes the question of the major events. Have I taken them too far? Are my characters suffering too much?
I've struggled with these and hundreds of others. Which road to take, which direction to drive my characters when the possibilities seem endless.
Truth is, these are questions only readers can answer and that's another post, entirely.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Rodin, The Thinker

I am not a fan of the re-write but it seems that is mostly what I am doing these days. I am simply not satisfied. While trying to forge ahead in my literary ventures, I find myself going back to Book One and asking myself, "Is this the way I want to introduce this character?" "Will anyone that reads it care to keep reading?"
I think the answer might be "no."
I won't be re-writing the book, just the opening. Maybe reverting back to my original chapter one and doing away with the current. The story is there. It is solid. The opeing sort of stinks, though.




Hmm... decisions, decisions.
I wonder how many changes the great novelists made to their magnum opus (opuses? Opi?).
I know it took Tolkien the better part of two decades to write the Hobbit and Lord Of The Rings series. And Catcher In The Rye took about ten years. Not that I am comparing myself to their literary genius. Not at all. I guess it makes me feel better knowing that some of the worlds greatest authors, whose works have inspired me, took much longer than the writer expected them to to reach perfection.
I wonder if they were ever satisfied.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

An Inspiring Song for Book One

A song that happens to Freakin' Rock!

HOOBASTANKs THE REASON:


The Best is Yet to Come

I am posting the new-new-newest first chapter of Book One. It's far from perfect, but definitely the best edit thus far.

 
(NASA and Space Pack 3 HD Wallpapers(100P)
1 The Seeker


Regret is the worst part of getting old. No matter how hard or how many times I go through something I never get it right. Countless mistakes, one right after the next, made in moments of zero-margin for error. I am not talking about the pissy kind of regrets, the ones that make you wish you wore different shoes after it starts raining. I mean the kind that really cost. The ones with consequences that go beyond a chest cold. The kinds that make you sacrifice everything to try and mend but the rending has already gone too deep for any hope of repairs. Of all the mistakes I have to say the biggest and most costly was letting Daemon live. I should have killed the little bastard the first time I laid eyes on him. Yes, my legacy is regret for there is more of it than anything else.


The whistling silence I have been waiting for hums. It’s not audible, only felt. I know it because of those regrets I mentioned. It’s numbered among them. It’s the sound of the unseen doorway opening.

I move off to one side of the street near a pluming cluster of potted trees just as his red hands hit with relentless overflow making gravel from pavement. I imagine the pain of one pebble digging under the Keepers’ fingernail. It hurts when that happens. I hope it happens to him. And I hope it swells with infection.

Pressing harder into the street he tries to foist the glut of energy away. I see it in his unbending abdomen. Residual strength contorts and forces his shoulder blades together grating bone against bone in an unnatural way. The plastic guards strapped to his legs slam against the manmade pavement. The sound is like shattering glass. Despite the efforts in deflection, his chin hits next. I smile a bit, knowing his mangled beard is no help against impact. Only road rash and hiding scars.

It is important to keep your face away from the collisions. My teeth sliced straight through my tongue once. After that, I started using a mouth guard. It must be early on in the game. This one’s not even wearing a helmet.

He zooms in from what seems like nowhere, just as sadistic as ever and I know the skies will crack before he does. How I loathe and regret his part in my life. I am not looking forward to our next meeting.

Though draining, the force is still too strong to tolerate. Intemperate energy pitches him into a roll.

I wonder how many collisions he can endure before his body breaks down completely. It seems he has not learned much since discovering to manipulate the overflow. Of course, there are the memory problems to consider. Too many concussions and variant times distort a Keepers view. The mind scrambles, trying to hold onto the most important information. For me it was the last face before the first gate opened. For him, it is his father —the tribal Chief who used the great powers as a shield. A trick neither of us ever learned.

The small section of road is now a shallow crater — the impact marking his entry to this world. My world.

The body tumbles another twenty feet before hitting a concrete step in front of what is supposed to be a flower shop. Blood spatters as he snickers for Death loves violence. Any normal man would be dead by now, but The Keeper isn’t normal. Only a man in the classic sense that he was born and one day he will die.

Observations make good assessments and my guess is he’s using the surrounding noise to find his current position, identify any miscalculations on his part. This odd spot for a landing can confuse even the most seasoned traveler. Trained hooves smacking against paved roads, swarms of people dressed in confusing ways, but there are still plenty of clues.

A groan slips as he adjusts himself.

I know what he is thinking: the noises do not match the scenery or quality of the road. Horse hooves smack in cadence, not chaos, vibrating the heated pavement beneath his bald head. The heat probably stings, but not enough to make him want to move. Though, the blacktop is unbearable this time of year. The sun is low on the horizon as keen eyes behind the dust coated goggles must determine it is morning and already hot.

I work my way into the crowd.

This man has many names — the Serpent, Revenge, Keeper of Threestones and Guardian to the Sacred Powers — I call him Death Incarnate. His regard spells destruction. He seeks honor through punishment, peace through chaos and restoration in ruin. Only after the joy of torment wears will he grant the mercy of death to those he holds accountable. Even then, it comes too late for his victims. It’s too late for me.

Deaths scattered thoughts are collected to focus on the watching crowd. Turn of century clothing paired with the casual use of profanity. I stand behind a fat man in a lousy hat. The gatherers stare, as they always do, in a large circle at a safe distance. Some raise small objects to the sides of their heads and speak. Communication without wires — a dead giveaway. None ask after the travelers’ condition but inquire among themselves, indicating a progression in the dehumanization process. He can put the two and two together. It’s twenty-first century thinking and technology.

A woman presses in. “What happened?” She kneels, offering water in a bright, metal container and a cloth for the blood on his mouth. “Where’s your crew? What stage were you on?” Before he responds, she’s directing excited language at a large radio.

The stranger rises. She tries to follow but the attempt is put off by his black stare and subsequent sneer.

When one man asks, “Did he just hiss at you?” Death laughs, for he knows this is the right place to begin another search. But he will never find what he is looking for in this place.

The crooks clothes were of this era. He will appear older than the first time the boy first beheld him, for the boy is now grown. Deaths prey, a thief, took more than just three stones. He stole a culture, a way of life, and replaced it with the knowledge of enmity. The boy they used to call Nahuiollin was innocent. He believed the stranger was the One the Motecuhzoma spoke of. Nahuiollin had no way of knowing what he was doing was wrong.

Long ago, before the West was settled, the Suma’s were nothing more than ghosts. Unseen guests in a foreign land. A myth. They came in contact with the Sun people, and for whatever reason were not enslaved, but granted safe passage through their lands. The boy and his tribesmen must have been something of a novelty to the Aztecs. Of the same complexion as their expected demigod but did not live in the clouds as was foretold. Each tribe had much to learn from one another but only Elders were permitted to speak, then. The wise Suma chieftain, whose name I never learned, forbade the teachings of other tribes.

I can’t help but wonder what life would be like if the two had traded secrets. Our worlds might be very different.

Exactly when is of no consequence. Precisely where is one of many large parks constructed for distraction — halves of buildings and cages for false animals, strange people carrying large cords in small wagons of equipment, shadows driving gold plated golf carts — an odd place to someone who lives here and more so to someone like him.

Past a tall gate lies a body of water. Not a natural inlet, men made it for looking and filled the rancid cove with giant vessels that won’t sail. The green color tells it is not safe to drink. Death shoves his face into the tepid water to wash away the stinging dirt and blood. Odds of infection are increasing.

Further down the main road are more false rooms filled with bloated playthings. I sneak into a shop filled with costumes and more people who are paid to pretend to be what they are not. In this place, no one understands what they are doing. I do not understand how generations could call the purging of knowledge wise, simultaneously ‘enlightening’themselves with amusement. A gluttonous way of life. They forget that one must remember to learn. But no one cares because discovery is dull unless it comes by way of technology.

An iron gateway blocks the path. As Death raises a leg to climb over, a man in stripes quails a request to exit through the turnstiles.

I left my cane in my room and my hip is popping, still I manage follow. His habits change from place to place. I need to know how he plans to do it here.

Outside the park, a sickly looking man in long boots holds a sign. “The end is near, the end is near!” He shouts, but the wisdom fall on deaf ears.

“Not yet,” Death leers at the man’s feet.

The sickly dooms-dayer hesitates and rightly so. No one should want to do anything for him. Still, it does no good to stand your ground with him, either. Even by my standards, he is evil.

On the paved road leading out of the amusement park Death walks with new boots heading towards the highest buildings in the distance. He knows exactly where to begin his search for the one he seeks. In each ring I am always found in the city called Angels.




Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Queries and Other Nonsense

So it's the beginning of another new year and I am totally psyched! Well, I keep telling myself that. I am at a new point in my writing, however. For the nail-biting masses mounted at the edge of their seats anticipating the long awaited news (FYI- I'm using sarcasm font) I can proudly say, "It is finished." At least for now.




Cue Applause:
Yes, you guessed it! Both manuscripts, Redeeming the Time (sci-fi/fantasy) and Embers of October (womens fic) are considered complete. Not perfect, but completed to the best of my ability. I have changed, edited, re-edited, revised, composed and done a half-dozen final edits on each over the last year or so. The next time I go through them will, hopefully, be with notes from a professional editor.
Since it is a new year that, according to some, was not supposed to happen, I have decided to do something wonderful with this unanticipated time: Keep writing. Since I started actively writing around four years ago, I have realized that I am getting better (much to my great surprise). I even want people to read my work. This is major for me, the gabby recluse who never wants to go anywhere because she would rather sit at a desk in the quiet dark and make up friends to chat with. (Sounds an awful lot like my formative years)

Calling all Betas!
So now I am looking for Betas. Not on my blog of course because no one ever really looks at this page except for me and I hardly do that.
Nevertheless, I do not pop in and out of the blogosphere to please anyone but myself. Much like my writing. I do it for me, for the satisfaction and release it gives. I am at my best when the words are flowing.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Okay, it's been a while since my last post. Months, actually. Now is the time to sit down and write about something. What that 'something' is escapes me at the moment. My head has been buried in my manuscripts.
 This morning my husband saw another of my many sticky notes being taped to the front of one of my many notebooks and asked me, "what is that?"
"Notes for the manuscript." I replied.
He, then, inquired,  "how are you ever going to get published if you never finish writing? How long have you been working on that thing?"
"I am never going to be finished because I am never satisfied." I replied, without thinking. 
Some of the wording is like lint on black fabric.  I notice it only because I am so close to it. 
Then it hit me.  If I were a person prone to any sort of introspection, I might have figured it out years ago...
I am never satisfied with my work.  I love writing and enjoy every frustrating, flowing moment, every drop of sweat.  But when I step back to look over my creations, I am never satisfied.
My only way to call it done is to step away after a final spell check to prevent myself from making endless, compulsive, minor changes to each and every paragraph.
Does anyone else do this?
I can't be the only one....



Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Do you hear what I hear?

I woke up in the middle of the night and heard the sounds of a storm.  In my minds eye, I saw the image of a vast rain cloud.  Thick, black plumes stretching into the farthest corners of my imagined sky, lightening struck and thunder rolled.  Outside my window the world was peaceful.